4809
Chewing Wax:
I have no idea what you people are talking about.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 2:07:32 pm)
:
Hello, Davis, are you out there? I have gift for you!
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 2:09:39 pm)
:
COW THEORY
DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some dumb cow from Arkansas named Hillary.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 2:21:40 pm)
Heruka:
that's funny.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 2:26:24 pm)
alt:
i like the itallian and french cow theories
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 2:37:30 pm)
2 cows jackson:
You are surprised french when one cow drops itallian dead.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 2:50:50 pm)
bela:
Morons. I'm standing behind this guy at the health food store, he looks puerto rican and hes big. Whatever, then he pays for his drink and he leaves and he hands the girl at the register a card. So she's standing there giggling holding the card for like a minute and I'm standing there with my stuff wondering what the fuck is wrong with her. So she shows me the card and its the guy posing on the card in underwear and it says 'available for massage and dancing" or something like that. So she can't stop giggling and won't ring up my stuff. I felt like saying jesus christ get over it I want to get out of here.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:03:36 pm)
Detlef Sping:
Those crazy health food store puerto ricans
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:14:33 pm)
bela:
I wonder if she'll call him. She was PR too. Dope.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:17:42 pm)
Detlef Sping:
She's probably had his child by now.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:21:13 pm)
Detlef Sping:
She's on the Kava root.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:21:45 pm)
Froupie:
i could do with some kava root, i think ive fractured my skull.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:22:29 pm)
Detlef Sping:
standing there giggling sounds like Kava root or Salvia intoxication.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:22:47 pm)
Froupie:
58 million people are tuning into eastenders. britain may blow up.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:23:33 pm)
Detlef Sping:
At least that's what the judge said.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:23:43 pm)
Detlef Sping:
What are the eastenders?
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:24:16 pm)
Froupie:
bloody miserable soap full of bloody miserable totally unbelievable cockney wideboys.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:25:23 pm)
Detlef Sping:
Garbage eating culvert dwelling freaks?
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:25:52 pm)
Froupie:
yep, you got it.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:26:05 pm)
Detlef Sping:
Granada?
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:26:26 pm)
Froupie:
bbc1
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:26:45 pm)
Detlef Sping:
Typical
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:27:07 pm)
Froupie:
whos been posting all that bbc stuff? pretty accurate really.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:27:18 pm)
Detlef Sping:
heh.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:27:38 pm)
Detlef Sping:
It's a beautiful hot day here it's hotter than summer and it's the end of September.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:29:03 pm)
Froupie:
it was hot here today too. very odd. we've only had like 2 days of rain since the end of june. im dehydrated.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:29:56 pm)
Detlef Sping:
actually hot. strangely. oddly. alarmingly.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:30:48 pm)
Froupie:
the world is coming to an end. im sure of it.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:31:27 pm)
Detlef Sping:
Everything is shrivelling up where is the water? swirling around in a big hurricane is where.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:32:06 pm)
Detlef Sping:
I blame the Aliem\ns from the Pleides.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:32:52 pm)
Detlef Sping:
Aliens
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:33:06 pm)
Froupie:
im moving to jupiter. hopefully.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:33:14 pm)
Froupie:
once they build that 7-11 and link up the KFC.
(Mon Sep 29, 2003 - 3:33:39 pm)