4198

:
i love ya you big dummy
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 9:55:12 am)

alt:
I used to like to watch Wonder Woman as a young boy not because it was an interesting show but because I liked to look at her camel toe.

(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 10:05:06 am)

Uh Hyuk!
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 1:30:52 pm)

Harpo Marx:
.....
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 5:07:26 pm)

Harpo Marx:
.....
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 5:10:23 pm)

Queenie:
ew my cat has the most disgusting crusty ear funk it makes me want to puke
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 7:19:06 pm)

:
'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003

By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 7:45:11 pm)

Decoy:
Ahhh blessed baseball.
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 9:54:19 pm)

Heruka:
I want 2 good reasons why I shouldn't buy these two items.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=4399&item=2518990787

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=4399&item=2518990787
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 10:56:51 pm)

Heruka:
Besides being the same item I mean....

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=4399&item=2519194978
(Sun Mar 30, 2003 - 11:02:56 pm)

Heruka:
The hard part of working late night is coming down off it. Ack. I have all the formulas and figures running through my head. Yeah. Like I can sleep with that going on up there.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 3:06:07 am)

:
Baby spiders are called spiderlings.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 6:35:45 am)

Heruka:
Hmm. Morning. Lots to do today. Where to begin....
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 7:55:30 am)

:
Is a protractor a device for drawing in whores?
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 8:46:43 am)

bela:
Going on vacation this week. I can't wait!
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:04:41 am)

Chewing Wax:
Sweet opening day
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:11:46 am)

:
cause the people who ho to the future
they never come back

(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:31:30 am)

:
never come bac
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:31:52 am)

:
They never come back
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:32:16 am)

Myk Murphy:
Good morning, baseball fans. Will this be the last year without a washington dc team? Yeah, like portland has a chance against us!
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:36:07 am)

alt:
mornin
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:38:46 am)

alt:
malibu rum and cokes
Harp beers an Gran Marnier shots
make Jack a Dull boy
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:40:04 am)

Chewing Wax:
The Capitol District Expos?
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:54:06 am)

Chewing Wax:
I tried to take the Moe Szyslak gallon of gin challenge on Thursday. Not good.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:56:15 am)

bela:
God my mother is really unbelievable. She never, ever calls me, so I get a call from her early this morning which is like totally strange and she doesn't say what she wants, just that shes going to call me later. I call her back and shes all "that murderer they caught in Brooklyn, is that Tom';s brother?" I couldn't believe it. Shes really something else. I figure it must be something horrible because shes called and its for that. I'm all, NO, the guy is black and shes all oh yeah.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 10:57:44 am)

Decoy:
Nobody survives the gallon of gin challenge, you know.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:03:38 am)

Decoy:
The guy was black? You better keep an eye on her. I hope that's not dementia you're hearing.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:05:15 am)

Decoy:
Heh, Portland Expos. That;s funny.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:05:58 am)

Dust off Your Cones:

(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:09:30 am)

Chewing Wax:
bela's mom is a gas
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:10:09 am)

bela:
Yeah hilarious.
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:10:37 am)

Chewing Wax:
So it wasn't Jerry?
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:11:44 am)

Detlef Sping:
Jerry is the mouse, right?
(Mon Mar 31, 2003 - 11:17:01 am)