2866

This Just In:
Physicists at the University of Colorado recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium." Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
(Thu May 16, 2002 - 3:16:45 pm)

Heruka:
Well this is fine and dandy. But what about the children? Who will protect the children?
(Thu May 16, 2002 - 4:42:58 pm)

Decoy:
Ooooooo ,.. You're stoned, aren't you?
(Thu May 16, 2002 - 4:57:17 pm)

This Just In:
A law banning an Ohio city's dogs, cats and hamsters from answering calls of nature even in private has been changed. The law passed over 20 years ago in Cuyahoga Falls, Summit County, banned pets from defecating anywhere. The law was discovered recently after a resident complained about a neighbour's dog making a mess. Officials found the law explicitly banned defecation by any animal with a possible $100 fine.
(Thu May 16, 2002 - 5:00:29 pm)

Detlef Sping:
He's stickin' like a honky in strollers. lay some iron, spaginzy, but gun the snatcher.
(Thu May 16, 2002 - 5:12:23 pm)

(Thu May 16, 2002 - 5:32:18 pm)

Decoy:
Time to eat some dinner!
(Thu May 16, 2002 - 11:29:11 pm)

(Fri May 17, 2002 - 2:39:44 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
AAAIIIYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! There is a problem with voicemail at work; it's not showing when there are messages. No shit. 79 messages on my voicemail. SEVENTY NINE.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 4:05:27 am)

Cushca:
Shall I ring you and make it an even 80? Would that help?
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 4:55:22 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
Thank you. So much.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 5:10:52 am)

Cushca:
Anything for you.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 5:47:22 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
I'm filling with rage at this story.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/england/newsid_1992000/1992079.stm

This silly bitch has bull mastiff/staff cross dogs. And two small children. As a consequence of her stupid-headedness, 3 children have been mauled and the dogs have been put down. Gr.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 6:37:32 am)

Decoy:

(Fri May 17, 2002 - 8:35:47 am)

Decoy:
Why do people need to own these beasts? Some people keep lions, too, I suppose. Fucktards.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 8:37:03 am)

Decoy:
GB, I bet lots of those messages are from the same people wondering why the hell you haven't called them back, so its probably not so bad. 79, I think that's some kind of record.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 8:42:43 am)

From the 17th century Samurai manual Hagakure:
When faced with a crisis put a little spittle on each earlobe and exhale deeply through the nose. Then break a chopstick. All nervousness will disappear instantly. This is a secret matter.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:09:51 am)

Cushca:
I tried it with a pencil. It didn't work.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:11:58 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
It is a secret matter.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:21:24 am)

Cushca:
Ah. That must be where I'm going wrong. Where is Wax?
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:26:35 am)

Chewing Wax:
Hey all. I like the uniform. I like the rich deep dark blue.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:27:07 am)

Chewing Wax:
I was sick with the plaque yesterday. And today. But in the interest of keeping my job, I crawled to work, leaving a trail of vomited blood for the medics to follow.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:28:03 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
Breathe into the air conditioning unit a lot. That really scares colleagues.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:29:31 am)

Cushca:
Hello sick American. Please take two steps back.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:32:34 am)

Cushca:
You'll be pleased to know that today I went to the shop to purchase a strong cardboard box to put the shower cap in for transportation purposes. The plan is moving very slowly, but very surely.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:33:21 am)

Chewing Wax:
that makes me happy. I have the utmost faith in you and your ability to eventually send that thing. It will be like Christmas.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:35:04 am)

Chewing Wax:
Thank you very much for your cardboard box purchase.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:35:35 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
No fair. Wax has got a Christmas present before any of the rest of us.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:36:20 am)

Chewing Wax:
that makes me happy. I have the utmost faith in you and your ability to eventually send that thing. It will be like Christmas.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:38:06 am)

Cushca:
I heard you the first time.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:42:23 am)

Cushca:
Are you hands shaking with delirium?
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:42:37 am)

Chewing Wax:
What? Christmas?
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:47:56 am)

Cushca:
Someone slap him.
(Fri May 17, 2002 - 9:48:11 am)