2265
Heruka:
After I'm married I plan on letting ymself go to pot. Gaining 70 lbs, cutting back on the hygeine.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:36:15 pm)
Chewing Wax:
That's a good plan
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:36:35 pm)
Chewing Wax:
I need to take a nice hot bath.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:37:47 pm)
bela:
I need a serious neck and shoulder massage.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:38:58 pm)
Chewing Wax:
I thought you just had Franco walk around your back for that.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:39:46 pm)
Heruka:
I thought you just had Tom walk around your back for that.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:41:17 pm)
Chewing Wax:
He'd kill her dead
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:41:41 pm)
bela:
No.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:42:02 pm)
Chewing Wax:
no
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:43:10 pm)
Heruka:
Yes!! I say yes!! Naybe I'll take a nap.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:47:32 pm)
Billy "Smiles" Evans:
My name is Billy Evans. I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.
Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.
I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this email to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA.
With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then.
Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take more prayers to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true.
Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.
If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in hell. What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?
Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its turds in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.
Thank You,
Billy "Smiles" Evans
P.S. You can send money to the person who sent you this because that person is very trustworthy.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:52:00 pm)
bela:
Someone sent that to me a long time ago.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 3:55:22 pm)
Heruka:
No-one ever sends me anything like that. Nothing at all. I'm on no-ones list. Sometimes, I feel left out. I never get any spam, I never get FWD jokes. Nothing.My email is as empty as CW's head.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:02:58 pm)
Chewing Wax:
Hey
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:03:30 pm)
Chewing Wax:
This is hideous
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:07:09 pm)
bela:
No, I have the empty head not CW. Hes a smart lawyer and I'm a flaky slacker that likes to shop.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:07:24 pm)
Chewing Wax:
What a nice drive from Buffalo to Albany that would be.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:07:35 pm)
Chewing Wax:
Yeh, but you're funny and really pretty sharp for a glamour girl. I think we all admire you for that.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:08:12 pm)
bela:
Thanks. Heruka, comments?
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:09:10 pm)
Chewing Wax:
I just sent in my $300 bi-annual lawyer regestration fee (four months late) certifying that I did not practice law for the last two years and therefore had no need to take continuing legal edumacation. I think the shit is going to hit the fan.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:10:02 pm)
bela:
Huh? What? YOu get in trouble for that?
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:11:08 pm)
bela:
But you know, for all his talk, we really don't know why Heruka goes to all this school stuff. Heruka, why? Is he getting his Master's? Do we know? I mean, I don't really care, I for one don't like the pressures of school that much I'm just asking.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:12:24 pm)
Chewing Wax:
I hope not. It's true. I didn't practice law. I just don't know how I'm going to prove that if they tell me I have to. What's the worst they can do to me?
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:12:56 pm)
Heruka:
No comments, but a question. Is a 30' Tartan too small to sail half-way around the world? I think this is the boat. 
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:13:33 pm)
bela:
Make you get a lawyer job. I can't imagine anything worse. I really can't.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:13:45 pm)
Chewing Wax:
it's true
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:13:58 pm)
Chewing Wax:
Not too small at all.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:14:35 pm)
bela:
CW, Why does Heruka do this? Sometimes he tells us more than we want to know when we don't ask, and then when hes asked a valid normal question he acts like an autistic kid. Retreating into his weird little shell.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:14:58 pm)
Heruka:
I like school. I enjoy learning new things. The courses I'm taking now have nothing at all to do with my major, but they will be skills I will use later in life.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:15:28 pm)
Chewing Wax:
I don't know. He's always been like that.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:16:03 pm)
Heruka:
I have no idea what you're talking about. You want me to comment on you? Is that it?
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:16:48 pm)
Heruka:
Certain things bore me to death. I avoid these things like the plague. I'm not going to sit here and discuss your lifestyle.
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:17:40 pm)
bela:
Get this, when I worked in the law Dept at my last job - in publishing, I had to do this copyright trademark stuff, it was pretty boring but whatever. I hated my two bosses. They loved me but they drove me nuts. I hate law people because you have to keep every fucking thing, if I misplaced a fucking sticky note with one word on it my boss would go ballistic. So I had to file all this trademark stuff and I wouldn't do it for months so it would pile up so I would go down there, stick hunks of it in my bag and throw it away when I got up. It was like me saying fuck you to them because they drove me nuts. Not bad eh?
(Thu Jan 31, 2002 - 4:17:40 pm)