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Cushca:
THIS FUCKING MOUSE IS A HUGE LUMP OF SHITE ATTACHED BY ELECTRICAL CABLES TO THE EVEN BIGGER LUMP OF SHITE SITTING IN FRONT OF ME MASQUERADING AS A FUCKING COMPUTER.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:20:00 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
Well. I'm afraid it hasn't arrived. Someone has stolen it. It's .com, not .co.uk, you know. Did you send it to .com?
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:20:06 am)

Chewing Wax:
Good morning
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:21:09 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
My computer is making an alarming noise.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:22:03 am)

Decoy:
It is Friday. I overslept and forgot to shave. I've overslept before, but I never totally forgot to shave.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:27:05 am)

Mrs Dr GB:

(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:28:01 am)

Cushca:
He is rather well-covered, isn't he?
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:33:36 am)

Cushca:
And do you know, for one second, I thought that post was from my sister. The forgetting to shave post. You can imagine how disturbed I was, for just a moment.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:34:28 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
Ssssh! No-one here knows the connection between us and the thieving butler. Say no more.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:35:57 am)

Chewing Wax:
So anyhow, the other day I was walking up the stairs and noticed something strange at the top of a closed door, between the door and the frame. A black round thing about three inches in diameter. I get closer. It's a dead bat head. Somehow, I had shut the door on it and squished it dead. This was Sunday. I threw it out. Today in the paper, a notice that there have been tons of bats in peoples houses this summer and you should save the body and have it analyzed for rabbies. If you don't you're supposed to have five shots that cost about $1500. What should I do? I don't know how many times this thing bit me in my sleep. What should I do?
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:36:35 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
Nothing. If it had bitten you, you'd know. But really: a fucking bat-head. That's gross.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:37:39 am)

Chewing Wax:
It was gross. It's head and the tip of a wing on one side of the door, the rest mushed completely flat. What the hell was it thinking?
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:38:39 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
With it's head removed: I doubt it was thinking very much at all.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:39:28 am)

Chewing Wax:
That article is going to cause a panic.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:39:48 am)

Chewing Wax:
http://www1.buffnews.com/editorial/20010817/1009403.asp
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:41:05 am)

Chewing Wax:
I wasn't even drinking on the phone with Decoy last night. You can't blame me.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:43:29 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
"A friendly bat is abnormal"?
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:46:22 am)

Chewing Wax:
I was feeding it Doritos. I wondered where it had gotten to. And then... squish.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:48:53 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
Bugger. What a waste of Doritos.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:49:39 am)

Chewing Wax:
I named him Nippy.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:52:30 am)

Nippy in the bat afterworld:
Here's a thing. So the other day, I flew into this guy's house. He was nice enough to me, fed me some Doritos. I flew upstairs to take a nap, but I had a piece of Dorito stuck between my fangs. You know how Doritos are. I was momentarily distracted and BAM! The door closed on me and chopped my head off. Can you believe it.

(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:57:19 am)

Decoy:
There is a rash of rabid bats and foxes around. I saw it on the news.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 9:59:35 am)

Decoy:
I almost called Wax last night - I might have saved that bat's life.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:00:04 am)

Chewing Wax:
Yup. That was him alright. Actually, his head stayed on. That was the weird part.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:01:09 am)

Decoy:
I think you only need the brain to have it analysed.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:01:43 am)

Decoy:
Head, that is.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:02:02 am)

Chewing Wax:
I noticed the dead bat on Sunday. You couldn't have done anything for ole Nippy.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:02:20 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
You're going to have to live with that now. Counselling might help.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:03:01 am)

Decoy:
I should read more carefully, is that what you are trying to tell me?
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:03:27 am)

Decoy:
That has county health officials concerned about residents who may try to get the bats out of their homes as quickly as possible. Resist that urge, advised the county health commissioner, Dr. Anthony J. Billittier IV. "If people have bats in their sleeping quarters or in their homes, don't let them go," Billittier said. "Keep them for us."
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:04:39 am)

Mrs Dr GB:
I think maybe he meant "keep them for us with their heads attached to their bodies."
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:05:55 am)

Chewing Wax:
So instead of harmlessly chasing the bat out of an open window, you're supposed to confront it, expose yourself to it's gnashing razor shart pin-like teeth and then cart it off to an address they don't give you or call a number they don't give you. It's going to cause chaos.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:07:41 am)

Chewing Wax:
I'm assuming most don't stand perfectly still while you slam a door on their necks. I'm guessing most are trying to get the hell away from you chasing them down with your coffee can and cardboard.
(Fri Aug 17, 2001 - 10:08:40 am)