1314

http://www.cmongethappy.com/eguide/ep16.htm:
Old Scrapmouth

episode 16

Laurie has been given a devastating blow . . . the orthodontist told Shirley that Laurie has to wear braces for six months. It's interesting to me that this just came out of nowhere, and that Shirley was the one responsible for breaking the news. I do love the cut aways from the scene where Shirley is talking to Laurie, and the kids are in the living room waiting. They begin to wonder how she'll react, and Keith quickly says she'll be fine. Chris agrees, but Danny thinks she'll take it very hard, being a girl and all, and just hopes she won't be hysterical. Danny and Chris get into this "Hysterical!" - "Brave!" argument. When she enters the room, all eyes are on her. She looks at each one of them, very quietly, and then runs upstairs... Chris: "She was both."

Reuben shows up with what he thinks is great news. The Wink Burgess Show is taping in San Francisco and he's persuaded Wink to come down to San Pueblo to do a "The Partridge Family at home" segment. When he finds out that Laurie is getting braces, he finally concludes, just like Danny, that there are all those kids out there with braces (like me) who never had someone to relate to before. This could be a highpoint for her career. Laurie doesn't quite see it that way.

Show day and Wink Burgess arrives. He is the stereotypical egotistical showbiz kinda guy. (Jack would have done this character proud.) Laurie has taken to talking into her hand, and at the worst possible moment, Jerry, The Cutest Guy on Tatooine, just happened to by passing by and asks her do go steady. This only makes her more upset.

The house is a hotbed of activity as the show time arrives. Laurie's still talking into her hand, doorbells ring, as the orthodontist arrives to watch the show, at Shirley's invitation and lastly, Laurie can't seem to get the keyboard thing together. What starts out as buzzing in her mouth becomes more clear and she finally recognized the sound as the Rolling Stones. Now we know why the orthodontist is in the scene - he diagnosis the situation telling her that her braces are picking up radio signals, probably close by. Wink (Wink ?) tells everyone to fan out and find where the signal is coming from. While they wait, The Cutest Guy on Tatooine just happened to be passing by, and Laurie discovers that the signal is coming from his transistor radio, and he discovers that she has braces. Of course, he says the right thing and tells her that it just doesn't make a difference.

To end on a happy note, the doctor also tells her that he could remove the braces and give her a retainer or night brace.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 1:50:12 pm)


:
Woman named child ``Nosmo King'' after sign on delivery room door.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 1:51:26 pm)

:
`Ear lobe'' repair is booming in NYC because thieves rip the ears off of women stealing their earrings.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 1:54:36 pm)

:
The Chinese characters for `Coca-cola' sound like those for ``bite the wax tadpole.''
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 2:34:45 pm)

Chewing Wax:
Is that true?
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 2:37:28 pm)

Bert:

I found this one on the ground.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 2:39:39 pm)

:
All true.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 2:43:07 pm)

:
Origins: When Coca-Cola first entered the Chinese market in 1928, they had no official representation of their name in Mandarin. They needed to find four Chinese characters whose pronunciations approximated the sounds "ko-ka-ko-la" without producing a nonsensical or adverse meaning when strung together as a written phrase. (Written Chinese employs about 40,000 different characters, of which about 200 are pronounced with sounds that could be used in forming the name "ko-ka-ko-la.") While Coca-Cola was searching for a satisfactory combination of symbols to represent their name, Chinese shopkeepers created signs that combined characters whose pronunciations formed the string "ko-ka-ko-la," but they did so with no regard for the meanings of the written phrases they formed in doing so. The character for wax, pronounced "la," was used in many of these signs, resulting in strings that sounded like "ko-ka-ko-la" when pronounced but conveyed nonsensical meanings such as "female horse fastened with wax," "wax-flattened mare," or "bite the wax tadpole" when read.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 2:46:05 pm)

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(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 2:56:53 pm)

Skeeter:
Nutin beats some fresh road killed possum!
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 3:19:42 pm)

Decoy:
Hey, that's my cat!
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 3:20:58 pm)

Chewing Wax:
poor Squat
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 3:47:41 pm)

:
Oh no! I'm very scared. I think my friend Peter's job is brainwashing him and I don't know what to do. I just called him and he said he was really busy and he would have to call me back tomorrow! This is very serious, he hates work and has a worse attitude than me - he used to like sabotaging his job more than me and now what!!! Whats going on???
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:10:33 pm)

bela:
That was me.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:10:41 pm)

bela:
I'll get to the bottom of it somehow. I need someone to call him and pretend they are Antonio Sabato Jr. If he still insists hes too busy to take the call then I know its brain manipulation.....
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:11:57 pm)

Chewing Wax:
Wasn't this in an episode of The Brady Bunch or something? You're living a sitcom.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:23:06 pm)

bela:
I doubt it. I don't think the Brady Bunch dealt with designer label fags.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:25:43 pm)

bela:
bela doesn't like uncle peter.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:26:18 pm)

Chewing Wax:
Oh sure they did.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:26:25 pm)

bela:
The cat bela, that is.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:26:39 pm)

Chewing Wax:
It's probably his faggy cologne
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:27:40 pm)

bela:
Huh? Yeah, I don't think she really likes gay men that much because she loves tom and she even likes his gross brother Jerry. Anyway, he does wear gross cologne, I can't remember what it is but he lived with us for 2 months and it would make us choke. I should kill him.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:34:51 pm)

Chewing Wax:
Bills training camp opens today. You're excited about that aren't you. You know you are.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:36:48 pm)

bela:
Anyone that would pay $200 for a goddamn tshirt something bad should happen to.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:37:03 pm)

bela:
I'll tell Peter and ask him if hes thrilled.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:37:29 pm)

Chewing Wax:
He will be. All those guys in tight white pants. I get my t-shirts from good will.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:38:55 pm)

bela:
Yeah, me too. I go down to Grand Street where all the discount Puerto Rican shops are, bodegas and dollar stores and I buy these no name white tshirts in the package and they're about $2.35 for two and they are absolutely the best. Really thin cotton and super white.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:43:37 pm)

bela:
I need to get my own column in Allure about bargain shopping. Accessories, jeans, shoes - I can find the best stuff really cheap - name brand or no name brand, it doesn't matter to me.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:45:17 pm)

Chewing Wax:
I'd pay to read it.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:47:00 pm)

bela:
This weekend I'm going to buy bela a bubbling water fountain so she can drink out of it - wet her head, whatever.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:50:16 pm)

bela:
Such a sweet little innocent angel.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:50:40 pm)

Chewing Wax:
Where you going to put the fountain? Won't Tom step on it and crush it?
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:52:50 pm)

bela:
No, I'm going to put it up on the cat's dinner table. Otherwise, he wouldn't step on it but he would knock into it or ash in it. at some point.
(Wed Jul 25, 2001 - 4:54:24 pm)